Poor poor diary
Tue., March 23, 09:30 AM
I'm sorry I've been neglecting you my diary, but to behonest I haven't felt even midly stupendously entertaining or remotely full of wisdom. uh did that makes sense? Never mind it did to me. So in lieu of an actual entry I once again steal from Briggsy. Here is another lesson on how to speak kiwi.
I've put my 2 cents worth into the lesson so here goes:
As with most things, Kiwis like to make things easy for people. The same follows for their language.
Nothing should be too much effort.
Too right. No point in making more work for yourself.
Firstly, asking questions.
In the UK, the following question would go like this ...
'Do these horses wear 2 rugs at night or not ?'
The same sentence here translates thus ...
'These horses wear 2 rugs at night. Ey ?'
Just make a statement & end it with the word 'Ey'.
You are inviting the listener to then, comment upon the accuracy of your statement. They will respond in the manner described earlier, either yip yipping their agreement, issuing a denial with an easy 'no' or possibly both 'Yeahno,' you'll have to guess at this point.
Every single question in NZ is asked in this way, it really couldn't be easier.
I will explain.
'Ey' is pronounced with a long e sound, similar to the word 'Ay'
It is never pronounced 'Eh'. Nothing will mark you out quicker as a travelling Pom than to get this wrong. 'Eh' means you are deaf. 'Ey' means you are asking for an affirmation. The questions could be as mundane as the one above or serious as in a proposal.
Although I am guessing here, I should imagine thousands of Kiwi ladies have had
a chap on bended knee utter the following sentence to them
'We're getting married. Ey ?'
hmm close. I got a "so whaddaya reckon?". Wow SO romantic.
Kiwis have done the English a favour by taking our uptight language & simplifying it.
Do you see the overall effect ? Less words. More time for other things. For although your average Kiwi talks quicker than Lee Evans on speed, they don't like to waste time using too many words.
Just to clarify, I have no idea who Lee evans is but you could enter any such name in there. We talk faster than EVERYONE. This is mainly because we don't drawl out any consonants and generally shorten every word possible. For example, electrify would be lectrify. Actually would be actuly. The Hillcrest Tavern is the Hilly. And so on.
You want to say that something is as beautiful as a spring dawn, for example. Remember in English classes, having to decide if words were metaphors or similes ?
What have the Kiwis done ? Got rid of the lot.
You want to say that something is easy ?
Here's how.
'It's easy as ...'
That's the end of the sentence. You may think I jest here & that the 3 little dots represent a word I plan to add later. They don't. The sentence stands alone. You are confused aren't you ?
Let's try another.
You would like to comment to a Kiwi friend that the road you drove along was particularly bendy.
You say
'It's bendy as ...' Note, again, I am not completing the sentence.
That's the beauty of this. You don't have to waste time dredging your pitifully small memory-based thesaurus & your friend does not suffer the embarrassment of not understanding the word you chose !
Most average Kiwi males would have no idea what a thesaurus is let alone how to use one. The most simple statement used a kajillion times every day is "Sweet as". This can be used to answer anything from "how are you?" to "is that good for you?" to "can you do this job for me?" to "Tana Umanga had a great game, what did you think?"
Simplicity itself.
English
'The surf crashed over the boulders like a thousand splintering shards of glass.'
Kiwi '
The surf was rough as ...'
English
'The night closed in on him, hot & humid, as a hunter's breath'
Kiwi
'The night was hot as...'
I know this probably seems too good to be true & when you first arrive, you will be in a permanent state of suspense during conversations with your new buddies. You will be waiting for them to finish their description. They will not. Once you have learned this, you can relax & enjoy your chats.
Awesome.
Pronunced "oar-some"
Sweet as Briggsy, you've got this language of ours under control.